


I Want To Be Here

by Youwerenevermeanttofeelalone



Category: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 01:08:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21090860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youwerenevermeanttofeelalone/pseuds/Youwerenevermeanttofeelalone
Summary: You’re in bed with your boyfriend after weeks of not seeing each other and you get insecure.





	I Want To Be Here

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to request something, you can find me on tumblr at youwerenevermeanttofeelalone.tumblr.com

Stay-in days were your favorite. Some would say there wasn't anything special in them, and you would have agreed a few months ago but now, with your head on Cliff’s chest and his fingers threading through your hair, you thought you’d happily stay in every single time. He had just gotten back that morning. You two had followed your routines, caught up as best as possible, and decided the only thing you would do the whole day would be cuddling. 

His work made seeing each other quite difficult, sometimes you two would only be able to talk by phone at night. You had pulled all-nighters more times than you would ever admit to your friends just to hear his voice. It calmed the nerves bubbling up your stomach— the thought of him finding someone better was constantly in your mind and there weren't many things that could convince you otherwise. Logically you knew he wouldn’t have asked you out if he didn't like you, he wouldn't have stuck around if he wasn't interested. 

Logic wasn’t enough sometimes, you had wondered if you were doing the right thing by dating a man as attractive as him several occasions. He could have any person in the world, he was surrounded by gorgeous people due to his work, and even if he wasn't he wouldn't have had any trouble finding a gorgeous thin model to date. 

He shuffled underneath you, grabbing your attention as his arm tightened around your waist. You hadn't realized you were staring at the bedpost until you tore your eyes from it to gather what was going on. Cliff wasn't one for moving too much while you two were in bed, and he had been adamant about watching the film playing on the tv to which you didn't have the heart to decline so you hadn’t expected him to make any noise or movement yet.

Looking up, your eyes found his already dancing over your face. He did that a lot, you didn’t know why and wouldn’t ask either just in case the reason wasn't one you would like.

”Are you bored, darling?” he asked, his hand sliding down to the back of your neck. 

It wasn’t boredom, not of him or of the movie, you were simply tired of fighting the urge of running away from him when he touched you just so you didn't have to see disgust all over his handsome face. Had he ever shown disgust while seeing you? You didn't know, you didn't want to know just in case.

”Just tired,” you lied, following the cliché that if you were in a romantic novel would ensue in your significant other picking the signs up and trying to reassure you.

Cliff wasn’t a bad boyfriend, he was actually the best you had ever had. He was a gentleman, listened to your rambles regarding your interests and always asked about your work, he trusted you enough to tell you about his past, you felt comfortable with him most of the time, in your best days you even felt confident enough to be the one to kiss him first or wrap your arms around him. He didn't know how insecure you could get, you had worked hard to hide it from him and blowing your cover now just because things had been piling up would be pathetic. 

Chilly air hit the back of your neck when his hand moved to grab the remote. The room grew silent, he probably thought you wanted to go to sleep early and you wouldn’t fight him on it if he insisted but you wished you could speak your mind for once. 

”Is that why you are so tense?”

You swallowed thickly, ”yes, love. It was a long month.” Not a lie, being away from him took tolls on you as it was but this time around you two had missed so many summerly activities while everyone around you enjoyed the heat of the sun, hitting the pool, doing cookouts— it had been for the best in the sense that he hadn’t seen you in a swimsuit, but knowing that wasn’t comforting.

His free arm wrapped too around you, a hum resonating from his chest to your ear. You clenched your jaw as his fingers unintentionally brushed your side, eyes diverting from his semblance to the grey t-shirt he was wearing. 

The piece of clothing wasn't a tight fit yet his arm muscles popped out the sleeves, you had fawned a few times upon seeing them, you had seen other people have the same reaction. You had also seen the way they stared, silently wondering how a man like him could be with someone like you. 

”Why are you with me?” 

”What do you mean?” Cliff shuffled again, just enough to look at you properly. 

You mumbled, ”I dunno, you could be anywhere in the world right now with the prettiest person on the planet, and you're still here... With me.”

”I want to be here,” he said, so naturally. In his mind, that was a good answer, it was the truth and you two were the kind of couple that saw honesty as the most important thing in a relationship. That was what had worked for you, it was great, he had never gotten something similar to it. 

You frowned. You had expected either an explanation or an excuse, something more than a comment bordering on pandering. Was it even that? For the second time that afternoon you considered ending things with him. The warmth of his hands on your body would tear you apart more often than not, it wasn't his fault, and the most fucked up thing about it was that it wasn't yours either. But you didn't want to leave him. 

Everyone in this world wants to be loved, one way or another, Cliff made you feel loved most of the time. If you ignored your insecurities —which some days was very easy and others so hard you’d make excuses to not go out— you genuinely believed you two would make it together until the end. 

Having had enough of tiptoeing around subjects, you braced yourself for the fallout. You slid out of his embrace, feeling his eyes on you as you sat down. You didn't look at him, but your body was facing him. 

“But why, Cliff? There are tons of people out there! Shit, you’re constantly encircled of stunning people, why me?”

Cliff sat up, eyeing you carefully. However, he didn't speak yet. Your arms instinctively wrapped around your torso when covering your belly with a pillow wasn’t an option. It made you nervous, the way he just stared instead of answering you. Was he silently listing all your flaws and inwardly agreeing with you? Would he get up and leave once realization dawned on him? Maybe he was already preparing the break up speech. God, it hurt— it wouldn’t be the first time it happened, at this point it would only be the last if you simply quitted the dating life. 

He repeated his words from minutes prior, ”sugar,” he called for you softly, extending a hand to place it on your thigh, ”there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be than here with you. What's going on? You don't want me anymore?”

Wetting your bottom lip, you gazed at him in the face. ”Of course I want you, Cliff! What kind of question is that? I just—” you shook your head, ”I’m fat.” He lifted his eyebrows, but you didn’t let him speak. ”What I mean is I’m not as attractive as you or the people you are used to.”

”But I am with you, I like being with you!” he huffed, moving to a kneeling position to get closer to you. ”You’re a bigger woman, so what? I like you that way.”

Nodding, you followed the movement of his hands as he pried yours from your body. You allowed him, leaning forward to kneel too. His arms ended around your thick waist, yours around his shoulders. ”I still get insecure...” you mumbled, ashamed. 

His fingers went back to your head, massaging your scalp with a tenderness you didn't remember to have ever been shown your way. The other arm was tightly around you, pulling you as flush as him as possible. ”I love you, (y/n). Your curves, and lumps, and insecurities included.”

Pecking his cheek, you hummed happily. ”I love you, Cliff. Sorry for being like this.”

He chuckled lightheartedly, his lips searching for yours. The kiss was chaste, there was no hurry nor another intention behind it other than assurance. Assurance that he loved you, that he wouldn’t leave, that you liked him as much as he wanted you, that it was okay to get insecure sometimes, that there was nothing wrong with you. It was purely the reminder that you were loved. 

The movie was eventually resumed, Cliff laying on his back as your front pressed against his side. His fingers trailed up and down your spine, your cheek pressing on his chest and arm draped over his stomach. He would laugh from time to time due to the nature of the film, making you giggle which prompted him to laugh some more. He was happy to have you in his arms, and you were genuinely comfortable between them.


End file.
